Why “Be Yourself” is a Bad Advice If Not Taken Properly

I was in the lineup for attendance call a few days into the first week of grade 5. My bag was with me, messy but all things were accounted for. In between the first few last names starting with “A” I caught myself looking at the back of my peer’s abnormally dark head through the tinted lenses of my new sunglasses. They were gifted to me from the gent that my mother was dating at the time. They followed the contours of my head perfectly and reflected enough light that no one could see my eyes. I felt like the epitome of grade 5 cool.

A few seconds later I looked behind me to find the one guy in class that I hated the most who also happened to be the most popular. “Why are you wearing those?” he asked with a half grin implying the obviousness that they were unnecessary. “That’s stupid to wear sunglasses if the sun is not out.” My self-esteem was already low and in an instant I went from “LL Cool J” to “LL Cool not” as the crushing blow was delivered. I slipped my shades off and quietly placed them in my backpack. Upon telling the story to my mom’s gent, I told him that I had continued to wear them regardless of the guy had said.

The reality was that I was too scared to tell him I had conformed to someone else’s opinion and was embarrassed to share the truth with him from fear of losing his approval. “That’s good,” he told me with a smile on his face. “Be yourself, that’s all you ever need to do,” he said with his hand on my shoulder. Those words sealed the casket of any positive emotions now passed away.

Looking back now I know it was wrong to let the guy tell me what to wear and what to not. Of course it is silly to wear sunglasses during a day without sunlight, but what the hell! Sometimes you just need to do the things that make you feel a little bit better about yourself. If that means wearing sunglasses during an inappropriate time, then wear them!

Be Effective With The Advice You Give

Studying Stephen Covey taught me one thing beyond all the rest: be effective at whatever you do.

This is especially critical with so much advice being thrown around in the self-development community.

Coaching guys & girls in our Mentorship Program has allowed me to see certain patterns of behavior in people’s development and how well they take the advice of others. Of course when you’re going over a topic like the “relationship with oneself” I often hear frustrated symptoms of the “be yourself” advice.

So what’s the problem?

The problem is that no matter how many times you hear or say it, it does not become anymore effective at teaching yourself to come into your own or how to be more confident… if you have the wrong frame of mind.

“Be yourself” is one of the most powerful realizations that you can have as a growing individual.

“Be yourself” ranks 10/10 on the importance scale and 1/10 on the effective advice scale.

Question: Why is this not an effective way of helping someone you care about?

Answer: Because if one does not know themselves, how are they supposed to “be themselves?”

Know That Being Yourself Is The Answer

The only reason I was able to overcome my insecurities and lack of confidence was the burning desire to improve and fix what had been broken internally. On my search I have heard “be yourself” more times then you can shake a stick at. Each time I knew it was true; I just couldn’t connect myself to the statement and internalize it.

Even thought I have heard “be yourself” in its many forms, I know that the only reason I am able to learn from it is because I know it to be true. Each time I hear it instead of letting it frustrate me I let it nudge me one step closer to internalizing it. One of my favorite writers Earl Nightingale said; “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” Instead of allowing that advice to rot my mind, I allow it to power my personal growth.

“Be yourself” is a piece of advice you’ll never stop hearing about, so we need to learn how to utilize it properly.

Here are 3 ways to learn more about yourself:

  1. Learn the power of vulnerability. Brene Brown says that vulnerability is the key to true self-esteem. By being vulnerable and embracing who we are, we avoid destructive behaviors found within shame. Vulnerability is key if we are going to “be ourselves”. Watch this amazing video on the concept.
  2. Understand your values and priorities. Take 5 minutes to write down the 5-10 most important things to you right now at this point in your life. Once you have your list, rate each one to establish a priority.
  3. Create a vision for yourself. A vision will help your sense of identity and give your life direction.

If you can learn that being yourself is the answer you are searching for, and you can slowly get closer to that reality, you will be able to take those once frustrating comments and use them to fuel your success.

About yasmindesu

Tiffanism is my philosophy ^_^
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